Or do Yinz come from South Side witchyer bowlin ball? Are Yinz from Pixsburgh, I said from Pixsburgh, ’cause we’re from Pixsburgh too. We know our city, it ain’t so pretty But so what if we’ve got nothing you need There’s still Apollo, and Panther Hollow and Yearly fires on Old Chartiers Creek And when you die they put your name up on the voting list And Pirates Baseball's great if you’re a masochist!
Are Yinz from Pixsburgh, I said from Pixsburgh ‘Cause we’re from Pixsburgh too ‘Cause we’re from Pixsburgh too ‘Cause we’re from Pixsburgh too. Chicken Super Team (To the Tune of: Penguin Power Team) CHORUS: Have you ever seen a chicken super team, If you look at me, a chicken you will see, Chicken attention! Chicken begin! INSTRUCTIONS: Left wing! (Left wing!) Left wing! (Left wing!) Right wing!
(Right wing!) Left wing! (Left wing!) Right wing! (Right wing!) Ass out! (Ass out!) Left wing!
(Left wing!) Right wing! (Right wing!) Ass out! (Ass out!) Head bob! (Head bob!) Left wing! (Left wing!) Right wing!
(Right wing!) Ass out! (Ass out!) Head bob! (Head bob!) Walk about! (Walk about!). Dahn Dahn by Whiff and Moon of Pittsburgh H3 (Tune of: Downtown by Petula Clark) When you don’t care If there’s beer in your hair, You can always do- a Down Down!
So much fun that You keep on wearing your hat, And do another one– Down down! It may be Miller Lite, Honey Brown or Yuengling Porter.
Just don’t take all night ‘Cause our attention spans get shorter After a few. So wait till we Give you the sign, ‘Cause you can’t raise your glass ‘Til we finish our rhyme And then– Down Down! Here in the circle where– Down Down!
You can’t come up for air. If you do, you must wear your Down downdown down.down down. Do your tits hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder?
Like a Continental Soldier? Do your tits hang low? Are your tits real small? Are they flat just like a wall?
Can you hide them with your hands? Can you see them there at all? Would you look just like a male If it weren't for your pigtails?
Are your tits real small? Are your tits just right? Are your blouses kinda tight? If you had a disagreement, Could you use them in a fight? Do the boys perk up At the sight of your C cups?
Are your tits just right? Are your tits not real? Did it take them long to heal? Are they silicone or saline filled? Do the boys hearts race when you shake them in their face? Are your tits not real? The Doggies' Meeting (To the Tune of: God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen) The doggies held a meeting, They came from near and far, Some came by motorcycle, Some came by motorcar.
Each doggy passed the entrance, Each doggy signed the book, Then each unshipped his arsehole, And hung it on the hook. One dog was not invited, It sorely raised his ire, He ran into the meeting hall And loudly bellowed, 'Fire!'
It threw them in confusion, And without a second look, Each grabbed another's arsehole From off another hook. And that's the reason why, sir, When walking down the street, And that's the reason why, sir, When doggies chance to meet, And that's the reason why, sir, On land or sea or foam, He will sniff another's arsehole, To see if it's his own. Ray, the guy who sells me beer, Me, the guy who drinks the beer, Far, a long long way for beer, So, I'll have another beer, La, la, la la la la la! Tea, no thanks, I'm having beer, That'll bring us back to, Down Down Down Down Down! DUI Tune of: Jingle Bells Suckin down a beer, feelin’ pretty loose Just killed off a fifth, we’re running out of booze. I got Grandma’s keys, let’s go for a ride Oh what fun it is to get so drunk that you can’t drive! DUI, DUI, life is just a game.
Oh what fun it is to ride in someone else’s lane. DUI, DUI, throw up on the dash. We’d go to the liquor store but we ain’t got no cash! Sliding ‘round the curve, in Grandma’s Cadillac She won’t even notice, if we don’t bring it back (SHE’S OLD!) Look at all the sparks, flashin’ from the side That guard rail sure is close, I think we’re gonna die! DUI, DUI, Fearless guys are we Someone roll the window down, I really gotta pee. DUI, DUI, ride up on the curb Hit that asshole on the sidewalk, it’s too late to swerve!
Riding through the town, running every light And if someone talks some shit, we’re gonna start a fight (That’s right!) We would stop for breakfast, but we just hit a truck Grandma’s got insurance, so we don’t give a fuck Oh! DUI, DUI, cops are on our ass Watch me push ‘em off the road as they begin to pass Oh!
DUI, DUI, now we’re goin’ to jail Someone better call Grandma so she can post our bail. You can tell by the smell that she isn't feeling well As the end of the month rolls around You can tell by the blotch that she's got a leaky crotch As the end of the month rolls around So it's Hi Hi Hee in the Tampon factory Shout out your order loud and clear (Ko-tex/Tam-pax/O-B, etc) Small. As the end of the month rolls around You can bet it ain't sweat when her underwear is wet As the end of the month rolls around You can tell by the stink that she isn't in the pink As the end of the month rolls around If she won't let you pump you can do it in her rump As the end of the month rolls around If your sex life is a loss and your cock is growing moss As the end of the month rolls around If you give her enough beer you can do her in the rear As the end of the month rolls around If you get near her with your cock she'll tell you to take a walk As the end of the month rolls around. The Engineer's Song An engineer told me before he died Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum An engineer told me before he died Ah-hum, ah-hum An engineer told me before he died I have no reason to believe he lied Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum He had a wife with a cunt so wide Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum He had a wife with a cunt so wide Ah-hum, ah-hum He had a wife with a cunt so wide That she could never be satisfied Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum So he built a bloody great wheel. With two balls of brass and a prick of steel The balls of brass he filled with cream. And the whole bloody thing was powered by steam He tied her down onto the bed. And lashed her arms above her head There she lay demanding a fuck.
He shook her hand and he wished her luck Round and round went the bloody great wheel. And in and out went the prick of steel Up and up went the level of steam. Down and down went the level of cream Til at last the maiden cried. I'm satisfied! Now we come to the tragic bit.
There was no way of stopping it She was split from ass to tit. And the whole bloody room was covered in shit It jumped off her and it jumped on him. And then it went after his next of kin It hopped onto an uptown bus. It's coming to fuck the rest of us!
The last time that machine was seen. It was in Buckingham Palace fucking the queen The moral of this story is crystal clear. You just don't fuck with an engineer! The Final Down-DownMelody - The Final Countdown, by Europe Contributed by ZiPpY, Pike's Peak HHH You're leaving us, hasher, And so it's farewell But maybe you'll come back, To hash, who can tell? And though there is no one to blame, You're leaving town, Will trails ever be the same again? It's the final down-down. You've run through the shiggy, Still your cock/tits stood tall Slurped your drinks like a piggy Fucked the harriettes/hasher chaps all.
With so many check points to go And trails to be found I'm sure that we'll all miss you so. It's the final down-down. You're leaving, you bastard, May you shortcut to hell, And screw fallen women/hashers And the devil as well. And now you've run your last hash trail So drink it all down, Will hashing e'er be the same again? It's the final down-down. Finger In (To the tune of 'Valderi Valdera') When I was just a little one, I discovered my thing, And when I wanted a little fun, I'd stick my finger in. Finger in, finger in, finger in, Finger -i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-n finger in, finger in, I'd stick finger in!
I've grown into a woman now, my thing has lost its charm, And I need to get five fingers in, and half my fucking arm, Fucking arm, fucking arm, fucking arm, Fucking -a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- fucking arm, fucking arm, And half my fucking arm! Now my age is ninety-two, and I'm half fucking dead, Now I get both arms in and half my fucking head. Fucking head, fucking head, fucking head, Fucking -e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e- fucking head, fucking head, And half my fucking head! Well, I'm dead and buried now, down six feet on my back And I hope that I get dug up by a Necrophiliac Philiac, Philiac, Philiac, Phili ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac- Philiac, Philiac A Necrophiliac Down Down Down!
Follow the Hare. Chorus: Drink a little bit, Fuck a little bit, Follow the hare Follow the hare with your balls in the air, singing Drink a little bit, Fuck a little bit, Follow the hare Follow the hare all the way My boyfriend's a postman. A postman, a postman, A mighty fine postman is he! All day he licks stamps, He licks stamps, he licks stamps, And when he comes home, he licks me. My girlfriend's a lawyer, a lawyer, a lawyer A mighty fine lawyer is she All day she fucks you, she fucks you, she fucks you And at night she comes home and fucks me. My girlfriend is a prostitute, a prostitute, a prostitute And a mighty fine prostitute is she All day long she fucks you, she fucks you, she fucks you And when she comes home she just sleeps. Some other examples: Milkmaid/milks cows/milks Oilman/drills wells/drills Farmer/ploughs fields/plows me Glassblower/blows glass/blows Nurse/takes temps/takes Gymnist/strides poles/strides mine Baker/kneads bread/needs Dancer/does steps/does Asthmatic/sucks air/sucks Cowboy/rides broncs/rides Mechanic/screws bolts/screws Soldier/shoots guns/shoots cum Guitarist/plays licks/licks Carpenter/bangs nails/bangs Truck driver/grinds gears/grinds Postman/stuffs boxes/stuffs Plumber/lays pipe/lays Chef/eats this, he eats that/eats Bricklayer/lays brick/lays.
Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness, And when the ball was over There were four and twenty less. Chorus: Singin’ balls to your partner Arse against the wall If you don't get buggered on Saturday night, Then you’ll never get buggered at all! Verses: The village vicar he was there, in his long black shroud. Swinging from the chandelier, and pissing on the crowd.
The village leper he was there, sitting on a log. Peeling off his foreskin and feeding it to the dog. Farmer Francis, he was there sickle in his hand. And every time he swung his scythe, He circumcised the band!
The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey. The king was in the chaimbermaid, And she was in the money! GANG BANG (All verses are played out like a knock-knock joke) CHORUS: I love a gang bang, Oh yes I do, ‘Cause a gang bang makes me feel so good. When I was younger, and in my prime, I used to gang bang all the time, But now I'm older, and turning gray, I only gang bang twice a day.
Leader: Knock-knock All: Who’s there? Leader: Ida All: Ida, who? Leader: Ida want another gang bang! Optional Verses: Ranger, Arranger for best entry Oliver, All of her clothes were off Dolly Parton Dolly's partin' her thighs Yurin Yurin for sloppy seconds Tijuana Tijuana bring your mother to Kissinger Kissinger great, but fuckin her's better. Orange Aren't you glad you’re. Aspen I spend too much time at the. Irish I wish we were.
I did up I did a poo and grossed out everyone at the. Shelby She'll be sore after. Police PPPPPlease take me to. Platypus Plenty O puss. Howard How were the tits. Extinct It stinked like fish.
Maybell Maybe she'll do us all. Ilene I leaned her over the couch. Heada Had a lot of sex. Shirley Surely you got laid. Ima I'm a glad we had this Eisenhower I's an hour late for. Gladiator Glad he ate her out before. Dixie My dicks erect.
Kenya Can ya give me directions to the. Abbott I bet you won't be alone at the.
Charlie Pryde Charlie pried her legs apart at the. When I was a young man I used to like girls, I fondled their breastses and played with their curls, But me girlfriend ran off with a salesman named Bruce, You'd never get treatment like that from a Moose! CHORUS: So it's Moose, Moose, give me a Moose, I've never had anything quite like a Moose, I've had many lovers, my morals are loose, But I've never had anything quite like a Moose! ALTERNATE CHORUS: For it’s moose, moose, I love a moose, I've never had anything quite like a moose, My life has been merry, My women been loose, But nothing compares to the love of a moose. Now when I'm in need of a very good lay, I go to me stables and gets me some hay, I opens me window and spreads it around, 'Cause Moose always comes when there's hay on the ground! Now I've made it with all kinds of beasties with hair, I'd make it with snakes if their fangs were not there, I've made it with walrus, two ducks and a goose, But I've never had anything quite like a Moose!
A gorilla's all right for a Saturday night, And lions and tigers puts up a good fight, But it just ain't the same when they slams your caboose As the feeling you gets when you humps with a Moose! I went out to the desert, a moose for to find I only found Camels, I near lost my mind A camel reminds me of moose just a bit But a Moose always swallows, while a Camel just spits Women like pearls and diamonds and cars, I spend all my money on them in the bars, But a moose is content to be tied to a tree, While I find other mooses to satisfy me, I've tried many beasties on land or on sea I've even tried hump-backs that humped back on me! Sharks are quite good, tho they're hard to pull loose But on dry land there is nothing quite like a moose! Woodchucks are all right except that they bite And foxes and rabbits won't last thru the night! Cows would be fun, but they're hard to seduce But you never need worry should you find a moose!
Step in my study, and trophies you'll find A black striped tiger and scruffy maned lion You'll know the elephant by his ivory tooth And the one that's a-winking, you know is the moose! The lion succumbed to a thirty-ought-six Machine guns and tigers I've proved do not mix The elephant fell by a bomb with a fuse But I won't tell a soul how I did in the moose! I've found many women attracted to me A few of them have had me over for tea Some say that they love me when they're feeling loose But I'd trade the world's women for one lovely moose! Now I've broken the laws in this god-awful state They've put me in prison and locked up the gate They say that tomorrow I'll swing from a noose So my last request was a sexy young moose!
Then I'll go to heaven, as my soul soars away. Beer, Beer, glorious beer Fill yourselves right up to here Drink a good deal of it; make a good meal of it Stick to your old fashioned beer Don't be afraid of it, drink till you're made of it Now all together, a cheer Up with the sale of it, down with a pail of it Glorious, glorious beer. It's the daddy of all lubricators The best thing there is for the neck Can be used as a gargle or lotion By persons of every sect Now we know who the goddess of wine was But was there a goddess of beer? If so, let us drink to her health, boys And wish that we'd just got her here, here, here. Chorus: Has anyone seen my cock My big Rhode Island Red He's mostly pink with a little bit of blue And purple on his head He stands straight up in the morning And he gives my wife a shock scream Has anybody seen, anybody seen Anybody seen my cock He's a stiff necked little upstart And I've known him all my life He's my pride and pleasure And a torment to my wife Sometimes he's magnificent And sometimes small and thin But he puffs up like a pigeon When you tickle him under the chin Chorus H e’s got two great waddles hanging down.
The best you’ll ever find Madam you may stroke him, If you feel that way inclined. But be careful not to tease him, For though he’s very shy, If he gets excited, He will spit right in your eye. The Hash House Harrier. Tell me do you think it'd be all right For me to shotgun a beer or five 'Cause you can see I'm way too sober And the beer that's left's not cold Yet you know the beer that's left is bad Some of the worst I've ever had If I hadn't drank the good beer days ago Then I might not drink alone Tonight I need to find some beers to pound So I'm buying cream ale rounds The good beer's gone but Genny might be found to take its place Hey Genessee His Foreskin (To the tune of 'My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean') His oneskin hangs down to his twoskin, His twoskin hangs down to his three!
His threeskin hangs down to his foreskin, His foreskin hangs down to his knees! Roll back, Roll back, oh roll back that foreskin for me, for me! Roll back, Roll back, oh roll back that foreskin for me! Drink it down, down down down. Hot Vagina (To the tune of 'I've Been Working on the Railroad') Hot vagina for your breakfast!
Hot vagina for your lunch! Hot vagina for your dinner, Just munch munch munch munch munch! It's so tasty and delicious, Bite sized, ready to eat! So grab your chick Give her a lick Hot vagina can't be beat!
Drink it down down down. I don’t want to be a housewife I’d much rather be a whore I’ve love to turn some tricks Involving twelve-inch pricks House work can be such a bore (gorblimey!) I don’t want to do his fucking laundry I don’t want to cook his fucking food And if I’m gettin’ laid I should be gettin’ paid Otherwise I’m only getting screwed I'm Your Mailman (aka 'The Mailman Song') To the tune of: Bye, Bye Blackbird When I'm walking down the lane Each one says please come again I'm your mailman. Bang your knockers, ring your bell, Gee I really think you're swell, I'm your mailman. I can come in any kind of weather, That's because me bag is made of leather. I don't need no keys or locks, I can slip in your box, I'm your mailman.
When I'm walking down the road Gee, I'd like to drop me load I'm your mailman. Make you happy, make you gay, That's why I come twice a day I'm your mailman. Each one says she wants me to deliver Each one wants as much as I can give her. So if you're feeling sad and blue I've got something good for you I'm your mailman. I could wile away the hours, Searchin’ hills for flour, Across a wide terrain. (repeat) I’d be chipper, and I’d be cheerful, If my stomach had a beerful, ‘Cause I’ve only half a brain. (repeat) With my arms and legs akimbo, I’ll be chasing after bimbos, Through mud, thorns, and rain.
(repeat) I’ll be making lots of passes, As I fondle all their asses, ‘Cause I’ve only half a brain. (repeat) Chorus: I’ll down-down till the keg starts to spit, Then I’ll fire one up and take a little hit, I’ll impress the women with my charming wit, As I shout out, 'Show us your tits!' Then my beer I will be sharing, With them as their breast they’re baring, Our urges unrestrained. (repeat) Oh, our language will be rude as, We exchange bod-i-ly fluids, ‘Cause we’ve only half a brain. If Your Girlfriend Tastes Like Shit (To the tune of 'If You're Happy And You Know It') If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over. If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over.
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, It's her asshole, not her clit. If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over. I Love My Girl I love my girl Yes I do yes I do I love her truuuuuu-ly I love the hole She pisses through I love her tits (Her lily white tits!) her nut brown aaa-asshole I'd eat her shit (Gobble gobble chomp chomp!) With a rusty spoon. (With a rusty spooooooooon!) Drink it down down down In Mobile - (To the tune of 'She'll be Comin' Round the Mountain' Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile, Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile, Oh, the eagles they fly high, And they shit right in your eye, It’s a good thing pigs don't fly in Mobile.
In Mobile, in Mobile, In Mo- in Mo- in Mo- in Mobile, Oh, the eagles they fly high, And they shit right in your eye, It’s a good thing pigs don't fly in Mobile. Oh, the vicar is a bugger in Mobile. And the curate is another, And they bugger one another in Mobile. The seagulls fly around the lighthouse in Mobile.
And they use it as a shite-house, Now the lighthouse is a whitehouse in Mobile. There's a man by the name of Hunt in Mobile. Who thought he had a cunt, But his balls were back to front in Mobile.
There's a man by the name of West in Mobile. Who thought he had a breast, But is balls were on his chest in Mobile. Oh, the girls wear flowered undies in Mobile.
And they take them off on Sundays, You should see the boys on Mondays in Mobile. There's a shortage of good whores in Mobile.
But there are keyholes in the doors, And there are knotholes in the floors in Mobile. Oh, the parson is perverted in Mobile. And his morals are inverted, There's a thousand he's converted in Mobile. It's a Small Dick After All (To the tune of 'It's a Small World') Well it ain't too long and it ain't too thick It gets hard too slow and it comes too quick It qets lost in her twat, but it's all that he's got It's a small, small dick! It's a small dick after all It's a small dick after all Always limp from alcohol It's a small small dick. Drink it down down down It's a Wide Cunt After All (To the tune of 'It's a Small World') Well it ain't too small and it ain't too tight If you look down there you'd get quite a fright You could fall in that vagina bout halfway down to China It's a wide cunt after all!
Its a wide cunt after all, Its a wide cunt after all, Makes your cock feel about this small Its a wide wide cunt! Drink it down down down. Jesus Saves - (To the tune of: 'Battle Hymn of the Republic') CHORUS: Free beer for all the hashers; Free beer for all the hashers; Free beer for all the hashers; Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves!
Verses: Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's nailed up on the cross; Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's nailed up on the cross; Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's nailed up on the cross; Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves! Chorus Ladies love Jesus 'cause he's hung like this (spread out arms); Jesus don't need flour 'cause he lays the trail in blood; Don't give your beer to Jesus 'cause he'll turn it into wine; Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's only got 12 friends. Jesus can't go hashing, he's got shiggy on his head. Jesus can't go hashing 'cause his wood is just too big.
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause his dad knows all the checks. Me I like the killing, because I find it so fulfilling And I hate to see a baby seal grow old. CHORUS: You don't club a baby seal 'cause you want a meal You do it just cause you want to hear those little fucker squeal. You bash 'em on the head, and you do it just for kicks And you poke out their eyes with your eye-pokin' sticks! (Two - Three - Four) My daddy was a little mean, my mama was a bit obscene, Maybe that's the reason for the way that I feel.
You might not believe me, but my woman wants to leave me So I guess I'll take it out on a baby seal. The Liberals want to lock me up because I kill the seal pups And tie their fur up into little bales. I know that it won't be long 'til all the baby seals are gone So I guess I'll just start wiping out the whales.
Slice 'em, dice 'em, roto-till 'em, chop 'em up or just plain kill 'em, Their fur comes off with just one easy peel (RIP, RIP, RIP) People, people don't you cry cause I know that when I die I'll be coming back as a baby seal. The Lady of the Manor (To the Tune of: Ghost Riders in the Sky) The Lady of the Manor was dressing for the ball, When she saw the village tinker tossing off up against the wall. Chorus: With his rare old kidney wiper and his balls the size of three and a yard and a half of foreskin, fiveskin, sixskin! Hanging down below his knee. Siphil-aiyyyeeeeeaaaaa Siphil-aiyyyooooo Muff divers in the sky.
So She wrote to him a letter, a letter she did write, saying 'I'd rather be had by you sir than his lordship any night' With your rare old kidney wiper and your balls the size of three and a yard and a half of foreskin hanging down below his knee. Siphil-aiyyyeeeeeaaaaa Siphil-aiyyyooooo Muff divers in the sky. The tinker got the letter, and when it he did read his balls began to fester and his prick began to bleed Chorus So he mounted his white charger, the finest in the land with his foreskin cross his shoulder and his pecker in his hand. Chorus Now he rode up to the manor, he rode up to the hall, 'God save us' cried the butler 'He's come to fuck us all!' Well he fucked them in the bedrooms and he fucked them in the hall, and he even fucked the pictures that were hanging up against the wall He fucked the upstairs maid, he caught her on the stairs he fucked her till the friction set alight her pubic hairs He went down to the kitchen, for the cook now was his goal There he unrolled his mighty rod and jammed it in her hole. And then he caught the downstairs maid, and fucked her in the hall But when he fucked the butler 'twas the cruelest fuck of all And then he fucked the lady, in ten minutes she was dead, With his yard and a half of foreskin wrapped around her head The tinker he is dead now, I'm sure he's down in hell, And there he fucks the devil and the devils wife as well. Chorus Yipeeeeiyyyaaaaa yipeeeeiyyyooooo foreskins in the sky.
Last Night I Stayed At Home and Masturbated (To the Tune of: Funiculi, Funicula) Last night I stayed at home and masturbated It felt so good, I knew it would. Last night I stayed at home and masturbated It felt so nice, I did it twice. You should have seen me on the long strokes Straight up and down, straight up and down You should have seen me on the short strokes Tickle the crown, tickle the crown Whack it, smack it Bounce it off the floor. Wrap it 'round the bedpost Slam it in the door!
Every Car Doodle I Ever Drew Looked Just Like This For Machine
There are lots of people who think fucking is so great, As for me I think I'll stay at home and masturbate! Drink it Down Down Down Down! The Lehigh Valley. Don't look at me that way mister, For I didn't shit in your seat. I just come down from the mountains And my balls are covered with sleet I was down in the Lehigh Valley, Me and my ol' pal Lou, A'pimpin for a whorhouse and a goddamn good one too.
It was there that I met me Nellie, And she was the village belle. I was a cheap panhandler but I loved that girl like hell Then come a city slicker, So handsome neat and rich. And he stole my precious Nellie, That stinkin' sonofabitch! I'll just be restin my ass awhile, And then I'll be on my way.
Cause I'll catch that runt that stole my cunt If it takes till judgement day! Down Down Down. 'Oh, Mister Lobsterman, I ask thee, Have you got a lobster you will sell to me?' Chorus: Singing hi-diddly-ai, shit or bust, Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust.
Verses: 'Yes sir, yes sir, I have three, And the biggest of the bastards I will sell to thee.' So I took the lobster home, but I couldn't find a dish, So I put him in the pot where the missus takes a piss. In the middle of the night, as you well know, The missus got up for to have a heave ho. Well, the missus gave a groan, and the missus gave a grunt, Now she got the bloody lobster swinging from her cunt. The missus grabbed the brush, and I grabbed the broom, And we chased the bloody lobster all around the room.
We hit it on the head, we hit it on the side, We hit that bloody lobster until the bastard died. Oh, the story has a moral, and this is it, Always take a look before you take a shit. That's the end of my story, there ain't no more, There's an apple up my arsehole, and you can have the core.
Down in Nagasaki the monkey fucked the cat, And all the cat could do was fuck the monkey back. Drink it down, down, down, down.
Melody - Sweet Betsy From Pike 'Twas down in cunt valley where red rivers flow, Where cocksuckers flourish and maidenheads grow, 'Twas there I met Lupe, the girl I adore, She's a hot fucking, cocksucking, Mexican whore. Chorus: She'll fuck you, she'll suck you, she'll tickle your nuts, And if you're not happy, she'll suck out your guts, She'll wrap her legs round you till you want to die, But I'd rather eat Lupe than sweet cherry pie. When Lupe was a young girl of just about eight, She'd swing to and fro on the back garden gate, The crossmember parted, the upright went in, And since then she's lived in a welter of sin. The Mayor of Bayswater, He has a randy daughter, And the hairs on her dickie-di-doe, Hang down to her knees. (Chorus) And the hairs, and the hairs, And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe, Hang down to her knees.
One black one, one white one, And one with a bit of shite on, And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe, Hang down to her knees. Verses: Her hairs were so tangled Her firstborn was strangled I’ve smelt it, I’ve felt it, It feels like a yard of velvet. I she were my daughter, I’d have her cut them shorter. I stroked ‘em and poked ‘em, I rolled ‘em and smoked ‘em.
You’d need a coal miner, To find her vagina. The aroma it lingers, It smells like fish fingers. It was always hit-or-miss, Whether I could find her clitoris. I know cause I've seen them, I've been up and in between them It's tied up just like a parcel, From her navel down to her arsehole. My Leakin' Arse - (To the tune of 'Your Cheatin' Heart':) My Leakin' Arse Has let me down It couldn't wait for my trousers down So now I've got Shoes full of shit My leakin' arse Didn't help one bit With trousers down, The deluge came.
It spread around I cursed my name. It's all over the floor Some's on the cat My leakin' arse Destroyed the mat My leakin' arse Like my eyes does weep When I get beer And tacos to eat. I clench my cheeks And heave and strain But my leakin' arse Explodes again My Name is Jack. N Nancy Brown (tune of 'She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain') Way out in West Virginia lived a gal named Nancy Brown.
You ain't never seen such prettiness in any bar in town. Oh, she lived up in the mountains, oh, she lived up in the mountains, Oh, she lived up in the mountains, mighty high. And she is a sweet maiden, not a bit contaminated, She's as pure as the West Virginia sky.
Now there came a local Cowboy, with his guitar and his song. He took Nancy up the mountain, but she still knew right from wrong. She came rolling down the mountain, she came rolling down the mountain, She came rolling down the mountain, mighty high. And she stomped that Cowboy's urgin', she remained the village virgin, She's as pure as the West Virginia sky. Now there came the local Deacon, he was righteous and he was kind.
He took Nancy up the mountain, but she still could read his mind. She came rolling down the mountain, she came rolling down the mountain, She came rolling down the mountain, mighty high. And they see that there Deacon never got what he was seekin', He's as pure as the West Virginina sky. Now there came the City Slicker, with his thousand-dollar bills. He put Nancy in his Packard and drove off in them there hills. Oh, she stayed up in the mountains, she stayed up in the mountains, She stayed up in the mountains all the night. She came down next morning early as a tramp and worldly girly, And her mother kicked the hussy out of sight.
Now to end our little ditty, we find Nancy in the city, And by all accounts she's doing mighty swell. For she's wining and she's dining, and she's on her back reclining, And those West Virginia skies can go to hell. But there came the Great Depression, caught our Slicker by the pants. He had to sell his Packard, and give up his little Nance.
So she went back to the mountains, she went back to the mountains, She went back to the mountains, mighty sore. Now the Cowboy and the Deacon get the thing that they were seekin', Cause she's nothing but a West Virginia whore. Nellie Darling (Tune of: I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Wiener) Well your ass is like a stovepipe, Nellie Darling, And the nipples on your tits are turning green, There’s a thousand flies buzzing round your pussy, You’re the dirtiest fucking bitch I’ve ever seen. There’s a yard of lint protruding from your navel, When you piss, you piss a stream as green as grass, There’s enough wax in your ear to make a candle, Why don’t you make one and show it up your ass?
Oh your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon, And you ingrown toenails exude a pus-y cream, Your nose hair’s long enough to braid in curls, You’re every CUNTHHH hasher’s fucking dream! No Balls at All (tune of the Colonel Bogey March) This one, has only got one ball. This one, has two but very small Him there, has something sim'lar But this one, has no balls at all! Drink it down down down. The North Atlantic Squadron Chorus: Away, Away, Away we go with a fife and a drum, Here we come, full of rum, looking for women to pat on the bum In the North Atlantic Squadron!
Verses: The Captain's wife was Mabel, By god she was quite able, She gave the crew their daily screw, Upon the galley table, The cabin boy, the cabin boy, A cunning little nipper, He lined his ass with broken glass, And circumcised the skipper. The ladies of the nation Arose in indignation, They stuffed his bum with chewing gum, A smart retaliation. The ship's dog's name was Rover, The whole crew did him over, They ground and ground that faithful hound, From Singapore to Dover.
The Captain's randy daughter, She fell into the water, Delighted squeals revealed that eels, Had found her sexual quarter. ‘Twas on the China Station, To roars of approbation, We sunk a Junk with a load of spunk, By mutual masturbation. The Second Mate's name was Carter, By God, he was a farter, When the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go, Carter the farter would start her. The cook's first name was Herbert, An astronomical pervert, He fed the crew on menstrual stew, And jacked off in the sherbet. The first Mate's name was Wiggun, By God, he had a big 'un, Twice Round the deck, thrice round his neck, the rest was used for riggin The third mate's was Andy, By God, that man was randy, We boiled his bum in red-hot rum, For coming in the brandy. The Fourth Mate's name was Morgan, A homosexual Gorgon, A dozen crow in rows could pose, Upon his sexual organ, On the trip to Buenos Aires, We rogered all the fairies, We got the syph at Tenneriffe, And a dose of clap in the Canaries.
Another cook was O'Mally, He didn't dilly dally, He shot his bolt with a hell of a jolt, And whitewashed half the galley. The Captain was elated, The Crew investigated, The found some sand in his prostrate gland, He had to be castrated. Another Mate's name was Paul, He only had one ball, But with that cracker he'd roll terbaccer, Around the cabin wall.
The Boatswain's name was Lester, He was a hymen tester, Through hymens thick he'd shove his prick And leave it there to fester. The engineer was McTavish, And young girls he did ravish, His missing tool's at Istanbul, He was a trifle lavish. A poofter was the Purser, He couldn't have been warser, With all the crew he had a screw, Until they yelled, 'Oh, no sir.' 'Twas in the Adriatic, Where the water's almost static, The rise and fall of arse and ball, Was almost automatic. The ship's cat's name was Schmitty, His hole was black and shitty, But shit or not it had a twat, The Captain showed no pity. So now we end this serial, Through sheer lack of material, We wish you bums all freedom from Diseases venereal.
The Old Department Store - I used to work in Chicago, At the old department Store I used to work in Chicago, And I don't work there anymore! I woman asked me for a hammer, A hammer from the store. A hammer she wanted, nailed she got! I don't work there anymore. (The verses then repeat for as long as people can keep coming up with bad sexual puns.
There are a literally ludicrous amount of them out there: i.e. Harddrive/RAMmed, Screen Door/Slammed, or if you're a harriette Canoe/Little Man in the Boat, Model Plane/Landing Strip. Making your own verses up is highly encouraged.). O'Leary's Balls The balls of O'Leary, are wrinkled and hairy. They're shapely and stately, like the dome of St Paul's.
The women all muster, to view that great cluster, Oh they stand and they stare, at the bloody great pair, Of O'Leary's Balls! Our Lager Our Lage Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At the hash as I am in taverns. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager, Barmen.
(to the tune, O, Canada!, obviously). Deeds of fame, made their name, here at old Columbia Nowadays, we can't raise, more than half their score See the lion, lose his pride, while the men of Morningside Bet on the spread, against Columbia. Raw, Eat it Raw! And suck the nipples off a whore named Sally, Fight on for Knickerbocker beer, While the sons of bitches roam the alleys of, Columbia, Columbia! If it has hair, we'll eat it Raw, eat it raw!
For Alma mater is a fucking whore! Roar Dartmouth Roar, And wake the echoes of your frozen waste land! Fight on, for drunkenness and frats, While the drunken halfwit alcoholics practice Sodomy!
If it has wool they'll fuck it! Roar Dartmouth Roar, And pass out naked on a barroom floor! Roar Cornell Roar, And take a flying fuck in Lake Cayuga! Fight on, for farmers evermore, While the hayseed apple-knockers learn about Alfalfa seeds! And cattle breeds!
And Hotel Administration! Roar Cornell Roar, And show your parents what a gorge is for! Roar Quakers Roar, We all know you are the scourge of Philly!
Fight on, for empty headed jocks, While the high-school seniors consider you A safety school! And laugh at you! If they apply they're desperate! Roar Quakers Roar, You're the Ivy School we all ignore! England's a buggar, but Scotland's depraved.
Nanny goats don't make it, Mother, They just can't take it, Mother Bring out the sheep for I'm so lonely tonight Bring out the preacher's daughter, You'll see how much I've taught her England's a buggar, but Scotland's depraved. Bring out my favourite fellow, Bring out the cherry jello Bring me a sheep to keep me warm through the night God knows I really wanna, Bring out the greased Iguana England's a buggar, but Scotland's depraved.
Bring out my little poochie, We'll do the hootchie-cootchie Bring out the sheep for I'm so lonely tonight God knows I wanna disco, Bring out the butter Crisco England's a buggar, but Scotland's depraved. Bring out the chimpanzees-es, We'll give them our diseases Bring me a sheep to keep me warm through the night Bring out the platypuses, They've got a thousand uses England's a buggar, but Scotland's depraved. Call out the Glasgow bobbies, We'll teach them brand new hobbies Bring out the sheep for I'm so lonely tonight Dollies inflatable, With morals debatable England's a buggar, but Scotland's depraved. Bring out a Bengal Lancer, Dressed like a belly dancer Bring me a sheep to keep me warm through the night Bring out the PVC pipe. The sexual life of the camel, Is stranger than anyone thinks, At the height of the mating season, He tries to bugger the Sphinx, But the Sphinx's posterior sphincter, Is plugged by the sands of the Nile, Which accounts for the hump on the camel, And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile. Singing: bum-titty-titty, bum-titty-titty, titty-bum.
Singing: bum-titty-titty, bum-titty-titty, aye. Singing: bum-titty-titty, bum-titty-titty, titty-bum. Singing: bum-titty-titty, bum-titty-titty, aye. The sexual life of the ostrich, is hard to understand, At the height of the mating season, It buries its head in the sand. And if another ostrich finds it, Standing there with its ass in the air, Does it try to give it a jump, Or doesn't it bloody-well care?
Chorus The sexual life of a bullfrog is hard to comprehend, At the height of the mating season he tries to eat out his friend. But his friends vile orifice is filled with gases and slime, Which accounts for the bullfrog's green color and why he says 'ugh' all the time. In the process of civilization, From anthropoid ape down to man, It is generally held that the navy, Has buggered whatever it can. Yet recent extensive researches, By Darwin and Huxley and Hall, Have conclusively proven that the hedgehog, Cannot be buggered at all. Chorus We therefore believe our conclusion, Is incontrovertibly shown, That comparative safety on shipboard, Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone, Why haven't they done it a Spithead, As they have at Harvard and Yale, And also at Oxford and Cambridge, By shaving the spines off the tail? It was Christmas Eve in the harem, The eunuchs all standing there, A hundred dusky maidens, Combing their pubic hair.
When along came Father Christmas, Striding down the marble halls, When he asked what they wanted for Christmas, The eunuchs all answered, 'Balls!' Oh, the old men were having a birthday, Standing at the bar, Thinking about the old times, Thinking back so far.
When along came a youthful maiden, By Christ she was so fair, When she asked what they'd like for their birthday, The old men all shouted, 'Hair!' My name is Cecil, I come from Leicester Square, I wear open-toed sandals, And a rosebud in my hair. For we're all queers together, Excuse us while we go upstairs, For we're all queers together, That's why we all go out in pairs. My name is Basil, My friend's name is Bond, When we go out together, They call us Basilden Bond. For we're all queers together, Excuse us while we go upstairs, For we're all queers together, That's why we go out in pairs. I went for a ride on a crosstown And found I had to stand, A little boy offered his seat, So I went for it with my hand. For we're all queers together, Excuse us while we go upstairs, For we're all queer together, That's why we go out in pairs She's Got Big ol' Boobies.
My brother was a pilot, A pilot that he was, Sometimes he'd land on the runway, And sometimes he'd land in the. My wife, she died on the toilet, She died of a horrible fit, And to satisfy her last wishes, She was buried in six feet of. My father went to the woodshed, Some wood he wanted to split, But when he grabbed hold of the handle, He found it was covered with.
Phyllis Quat kept a sack in the garden, I was curious I must admit, One day I stuck in my finger, And pulled it out covered in. I sat in a gold lavatory, In the home of the Baron of Split, The seat was encrusted with rubies, But as usual the bowl contained. My brother he worked in a sewer, Some lamps they had to be lit, One evening there was an explosion, And my brother was covered in. Phyllis Quat took a bag to her boy-friend's, But the paper was old and it split, Now the boyfriend and Phyllis have parted, For the bag was packed quite full of. Well, now my song is ended, And I have finished by bit, And if any of you feel offended, Stick your head in a bucket of. Untitled Harriet Song (To the Tune of 'I Will Survive') At first I was afraid, I was petrified, When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died! But I've been through so many hashers just hoping they were long, That I grew strong, and I knew I could take you on.
But there you are, another lie, I was hungry for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry! I can't believe you tried to hide your little spout, Did you think I wouldn't notice when it started to fall out?
Go on now go, walk out the door, Don't you promise me 10 inches, then show up with only 4! What a wank to think that I wouldn't find you out, Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count?
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud, When I saw your little pecker standing small and proud! But to hell with all your egos and forget about your needs From now on I'll get all my lovin' from a cordless multispeed. Or you could go down, down down down down. I was walking down Canal street I knocked on every door Goddamn son of a bitch I couldn't find a whore I finally found a whore She was rather thin Goddamn son of a bitch I couldn't fit it in I finally got it in I worked it all about Goddamn son of a bitch I couldn't get it out I finally got it out It was wet and sore Goddamn son of a bitch Don't fuck with New York whores!
Two weeks later I couldn't take a piss Goddamn son of a bitch She gave me syphilis! I went to the doctor To ask about the sores He said 'You stupid bastard, don't fuck with New York whores'. As I was walking through the woods, I shat myself, I knew I would, I cried for help, but no help came, So I shat myself again!
As I was walking through St. Paul's, A vicar came and grabbed my balls, I cried for help, but no help came, So he grabbed my balls again! As I was lying in the grass, Some bastard rammed it up my ass, I cried for help, but no help came, So he rammed it up my ass again! Way Down in Barcelona Way down in Barcelona, Where the ladies learn to knit A lady stuck her needle in, Another lady's tit, Said the governor to the lady, You're here to learn to knit, And not to stick a needle in, Another lady's tit.
When it goes swinging from tree to tree, its balls go G'tang! Chorus Ohhhh, we're off to see the Wild West Show-o-oo, The elephants and kang-a-roo-ooos, No matter what the weather, We'll always be together, We're off to see the Wild West Show-o-oo! (The next hasher becomes the announcer as above substituting the name of the next attraction in place of the U-rang-u-tang.) The Laughing Hyena - This animal lives up in the mountains and once every year he comes down to eat. Once every two years he comes down to drink, and once every three years he comes down for sexual intercourse. What the hell he has to laugh about I don't know. The Winky Wanky bird, by some strange quirk of nature, has the nervous system of its sexual organs connected to that of its eyelids, so every time it wanks it winks. Stop throwing sand into that bird's eyes.
The Fukawi tribe is found in the grasslands of Africa. They are this short and the grass is this tall, so that every time they get lost, they will shout, 'Where the fukawi, where the fukawi?' The Gee-raffe - This is the only animal in the world that can walk into any bar and say, 'The high-balls are on me!' The Le-o-pard is the only animal in the world that has one spot for each day of the year. Member of Pack: What about leap year? Announcer: Stupid, you just lift up its tail and there's the 29th of February. The Homosexual Sparrow - This bird has been known to fly backwards for a lark.
The well-known Omigoolie Bird - this bird, as you will note if you observe if you look underneath, has no legs. Who cries out after each landing, 'Oooh, me goolies!'
The Tri-angular Iceberg - An uncommon sight, ladies and gentlemen, because on one side you will see an Indonesian keeping a private school, on the second side you will see a Canadian keeping a private school while on the third side you will see a male polar bear sliding up and down on the ice keeping his privates cool. The Constipated Mathematician - who works it out with his pencil The French Pervertable - This fine automobile is the last of its kind, no longer for sale anywhere in the world. Notice the convertible top, the five-speed manual transmission, the automatic cruise control, and the dual halogen headlights. It seats two in the front and comfortably accommodates 69 in the back. The Tattooed Cowgirl - The tattooed cowgirl has a tattoo of Roy Clark on her left thigh and a tattoo of Hank Williams on her right thigh. And who's that in the middle?
Willy Nelson! The Famous Tattooed Lady-On the inside of her left thigh she has tattooed MERRY CHRISTMAS, and on the inside of her right thigh she has tattooed HAPPY NEW YEAR, and she'd like to invite you to come up between the holidays!
There's a Bear in the deep, dark woods, Yogi, Yogi There's a Bear in the deep, dark woods, Yogi Yogi Bear Yogi Yogi Bear! Yogi Yogi Bear There's a Bear in the deep,dark woods, Yogi Yogi Bear Yogi has a girlfriend too, Cindy, Cindy Yogi has a girlfriend too, Cindy, Cindy Bear Cindy, Cindy Bear! Cindy, Cindy Bear Yogi has a girlfriend too, Cindy, Cindy Bear Cindy doesn't shave her snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly Cindy doesn't shave her snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly Bear Grizzly, Grizzly Bear! Grizzly, Grizzly Bear Cindy doesn't shave her snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly Bear Cindy likes it upside down, Koala, Koala Cindy likes it upside down, Koala, Koala Bear Koala, Koala Bear!
Koala, Koala Bear Cindy likes it upside down, Koala, Koala. Some people have complained that the site is hard to find. Until we reach MILF Hunter levels of market penetration (heh) we're googleable with the following phrases: 'Columbia Hash House', 'CUH3', 'CUNTH3', and 'CUNTHHHHQ' (periods not necessary) If you're using Bing, you bought the wrong phone. If you're using Yahoo, or Lycos, or Webcrawler, you've fallen through a cyberspace time-hole from 1996, like you've seen in that hacker documentary Lawnmower Man. Check your dot-com stocks. You're probably broke.